Family Guy's Road Trip: Foster's
by Blackspiderman
Summary: FGRT Episode 5. The Griffins arrive at the home where good ideas are not forgotten. Peter becomes the pre-school babysitter, Chris and Bloo cause havoc, and Mr. Herriman tries to keep peace in the home. Rated T.
1. No Imagination, No Pension

**Family Guy's Extra Special Road Trip (Season 1)**

**Episode 5: Imagination Constipation**

**Chapter 1: No Imagination, No Pensioon**

**Episode Summary: If you though Peter's imagination ran wild before, then wait until the Griffin family arrives at a house where nothing but imagination runs wild. That's right. The next stop for them is 'Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends' where good ideas are not forgotten. After meeting everyone, Peter wanders into the pre-school section of the home, meeets the pre-school friends, and decides to build an amusement park ride for them, with less than satisfying results. Plus, when Chris and Bloo immediately bond, they get into all sorts of trouble including harassing the friends of Foster's, and Mr. Herriman does whatever it takes to get Peter's amusement park ride shut down when he realizes it is doing more harm than good.**

**Disclaimer: _Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends _and_ Family Guy _do not belong to me. They belong to _Craig McCracken _and _Seth MacFarlane_ respectively.**

**TV-PG-DL (Rated T on the site)**

* * *

"Dialogue"

_'Thoughts', __Long-distance conversations (such as on the phone), song lyrics, or cutaways/flashbacks_

**_"Voice-overs, either from a flashback in present time, or from present time during a Flashback."_**

* * *

After bailing Peter out in Amity Park, Lois and the rest of the family decided to levave before Peter caused anymore trouble. They said their goodbyes to the Fenton family, and then made their way to leave.

But they soon found themselves heading to the police station instead of the open road because as it turns out, Peter had set Danny's statue on fire the night before while on the run from the police.

"Officer, uh, what is the meaning of this?" Peter asked the police officer in the interrogation room.

"I should be asking you that. Sir, you set the statue of our world hero on fire. First you broek it and then you set it on fire!"

"Hey you know full well the breaking it was on accident, and if you still don't know that, you're a Jew. That's right. I went there. I can be sexist too. Just like I was to Constance Marie on my own version of The Tonight Show."

_(Cue Cutaway)_

_We cutaway to Peter Griffin and Constance Marie on the set of Peter's Tonight Show._

_"So, uh, Constance, in that episode of George Lopez where you and George throw your daughter her quincenera, why are you such a bitch?"_

_(End Cutaway)_

"Or that time at the grocery store."

_(Cue Cutaway)_

_We cutaway to Peter Griffin and a young supermodel in her 20's at a grocery store. The supermodel is the one buying and Peter is the one working the register._

_"Sorry, miss, but this is the express line, 10 items or less." Peter said strictly to the model. "I'm really strict about those kinds of rules now. It's a new rule."_

_"The guy in front of me had 12 items and you let him go."_

_"Yeah, it's kind of a brand new rule...alright, you know what? I'm gonna be honest. I've seen your work and I think you are a total bitch. There, out in the open. There, I said it."_

_(End Cutaway)_

After a few hours at the police station and a stop at the cemetery to put flowers on Peter Jr.'s grave **(The Juice is Loose**), they had finally arrived in a new town, on a new street: 1123 Wilson Way. Their house was right across from an enormous, and very colorful hours. None of the Griffin family had any idea what kind of house that was or what it did, but it did draw their attention.

In reality, the house that they were looking at was Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends, the place where good ideas are not forgotten. Literally, it was a home full of friends created by little children. Whenever children got too old to keep their imaginary friends, they would be sent to Foster's, to be taken care of like they were at home, until the time came for them to be adopted by another loving family. Jeez, it's like a cult!

But it didn't bother the family...mainly because they didn't know about it yet. So they went up to the house, and rang its doorbell. "My, my, this is such a colorful home." Lois pointed out, noting its many colors and tall structure.

"Yeah, but I just hope the people who run this home aren't like the ones you see on TV. You know, like, black 'n stuff." Peter said out of nowhere. Nobody paid any attention though, as they were too drawn in by the color that was the house. Boy were they in for a rude awakening. Let's watch.

"You know, I'm suddenly getting the feeling that this isn't going to be as glamorous as we hope. You know...like that time I got that video game and I couldn't play it."

_(Cue Cutaway)_

_We cutaway to Chris Griffin about to open up a Dragonball: Raging Blast video game that he had gotten for Christmas. He was about to open up his Nintendo Wii gaming set to put the disk in...but then he realized he had gotten an Xbox 360 version by mistake, and the game wasn't avaliable for Wii. "Dammit!"_

_(End Cutaway)_

After a moment of waiting, the door finally opened up and theree stood what everyone thought was a rabbit earing a conductor's coat, a top hot, and a monicule. "Welcome to Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends, can I help you?" The rabbit said to the family, which surprised them all.

"Dad, I'm scared." CHris whispered to his father.

"Chris, there's no need to be afraid. This is obviously just one of those holograms things that those big-assed hotels use to scare off the Jews. I remember I used to do that."

_(Cue Cutaway)_

_We cutaway to a Jewish lady walking up to Peter's house. There is a booth set up that says 'Take a number'. The lady takes a number from the roll of tickets, and then waits quietly for some service. After a moment, Peter, in a Hitler outfit, starts scaring the lady out of her pants, causing her to run away screaming. "Tell your friends what you just saw!"_

_(End Cutaway)_

"Sir, I can honestly say that this is in no way a costume. I am Mr. Herriman, head of Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends."

"Then what the hell's with the costue. You look like Fidel Castro except without the vagina."

"You people aren't from around here, are you?"

"No, in fact, we just--" Meg was cut off by the sound of gunshots by Peter, who had pulled out a pistol and shot his daughter, sick of her constant ranting. Though no one really seemed to care.

"No, in fact, we just moved in across the street over there. We're on a year long road trip to renew our worthless lives."

"Oh. Alright then. Then please, come inside." Mr. Herriman opened both doors and allowed all of them, including the gunshot wounded Meg, to enter. They were absoluely amazed at how big the place was. "You see, here at Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends, we provide the upmost care for these imaginary creatures. After their children grow tired of them, they are taken here to be nurtured, cared for until another family comes along to adopt them for themselves."

"Wait a minute, so you're telling me that kids' imaginations actually produce real friends?" Lois asked, skeptical as everyone.

"Well yes, Lois. Didn't you know that?" Peter told off Lois, though it was for the wrong reasons. "I mean, it's been like that since thd dawn of time. Since 9/11." See, I told you.

"Ugh, no, it's not like that at all! THis a highly prestigious home with top-notch service from our workers. Or should I say...worker." Mr. Herriman went over to the intercom and started talking into it. "Ms. Francis, Ms. Francis. Your presence is required in the grand hall."

"Wow, I didn't know Carrie Underwood worked here." Peter called out in a retarded way. Mr. Harriman gave him a glare and then turned back to the intercom, as Frankie Foster, one of the employees (or for that matter, the only employee) came down the stairs.

"What? I was in the middle of cleaning the bathrooms!?"

"Ms. Francis, this family is new to the neighborhood and would like a tour of our facility."

"Dad, why is John Lennon speaking such big words?" Chris the retarded child asked his father.

"I don't know, Chris. Maybe it's because he thinks we're all stupid. Hey, look buddy, we don't appreciate your kind. Thinking we're all stupid and such. Jeez, you're an even bigger jerk than that guy who wouldn't give me another drink."

_(Cue Cutaway)_

_We cutaway to Peter Griffin in the Drunken Clam, and he's had probably about 12 shots of beer in the past half hour. Horris is growing concerned as Peter becomes more drunk._

_"Yeah--H-Ho-Horris. Horris, get...get me...ah, what is it called? Uh...get me another...uh, um...beer! Yes, beer, that's it."_

_"Forget it, Griffin. You're wasted. There's no way you're getting another shot. In fact I think it's best if you go home."_

_Peter looked lazily at Horris for a moment, and then began bawling like a little child. He banged the counter a couple of times, which, instead of making Horris cave in like Peter had hoped for, actually creeped him out. Enough to make him leave the Clam in a hurry._

_(End Cutaway)_

* * *

Frankie Foster took the family on a tour around the home of Foster's, showing them every single room, bathroom, game room, hallway possible of the enormous house that was Foster's.

They were about to go onto another floor and go to the Game Room when Chris noticed a tall, red friend with a banged up eye and arm walk by twirling a basketball on his finger. This scared the hell out of him, though he did not show it. Instead, he simply asked for excusion, left the group and followed the tall guy quietly. Once the tall frined, who was named Wilt, caught on to Chris following him, he turned around and gladly greeted him. Chris, on the other hand, took out a crowbar calmly, and then started savagely beating him with it. Wilt was nearly crippled by Chris, but thankfully, Frankie and Lois pulled Chris out of it safely.

"What are you doing!? Stop it!"

"Monster! Destroy!! Kill!! Murder!! Jerry Seinfield!!" Chris kept yelling as Frankie and Lois dragged him out of there. Peter was nonetheless more proud.

"Boy, I've taught that boy well. And it's about time one of my life lessons have paid off. Not like that time I tried to teach Chris all about the wonders of dead bodies."

_(Cue Cutaway)_

_We cutaway to Peter and Chris out in the woods, shoveling up a dirt hole wherea dead body lies._

_"Now Chris, what I have taught you about dead bodies today is gonna help you through your college years and eventually through your adulthood. These things are not to be taken lightly as they may change the course of history with as simple as a little child's dead body."_

_"OK, but dad, you didn't teach me anything. You just said 'Oh look at how deep that hole is. I bet we could fit in a dead body', then you reached into the trunk, pulled out that 2-year old girl you choked to death with chloroform and stuffed her body down the hole."_

_"Oh. Oh yeah, you're right. Uh, well, Chris, basically all you need to know is that the sight of a dead body is the most disgusting sight possible except for that of Jennifer Love Huet."_

_(End Cutaway)_

Meanwhile, other imaginary friends, Bloo, Eduardo, and Coc came in, and saw that Chris was trying to get out of Franki'e sgrip to continue assaulting Wilt.

"Whoa, champ, where's the fire!?" Bloo sarcastically said to Chris, who took a quick look at Bloo before trying anxiously to break free of the grip and assault him. Bloo didn't realize this but Eduardo, Wilt, and Coco did, and tried desperately to keep Chris in line!"

"I'm sorry, but you're crazy!"

"Ayudame! Ayudame!"

"COCO COCO COCO COCO COCOCOCO!"

"Monsters! Monsters! AAAHHHH Michael Moore! AHHH!"

When they finally got him to calm down, it was because Peter had kicked Chris in his testicles hard enough to make the pain in his lower body worse than his desire to kill the imaginary friends.

"CHris, what has gotten into you!?"

"I'm sorry, mom. It's just that...well, I've never seen so many colorfully challenged monsters before in my life."

"Monsters? They're not monsteres. They're imaginary friends." Frankie explained.

"Crazy-redhead-lady say what?"

"Yeah, dude, Where'd you think the name 'Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends' came from?" Bloo asked.

"I thought it was a clever name to disguise this here cult from Saddam Hussein who's been hunting you people down since the 1880's, ever since September 11th."

"Chris, Saddam Hussein's been dead for over 7 years and September 11th was back in 2001." Brian corrected him, groaning in the process.

"Oh."

"Yeah, Chris, I'm retarded and even I know that." Peter then turned to Brian and started whispering. "Is he the guy from that 'Transformers' movie?"

"No."

"Imagine that?"

"No."

"Ice Age: The Meltdown?"

"No!"

"Night at the Mus-"

"No, No! Dammit Peter, Saddam Hussein was not in any American movies. He was a terrorist."

"What do terrorists have to do with movies? And for that matter, did anyone see the most recent 'I'm a Celebrity, Get me Out of Here'? My god, Sanjaya is a jungle freak. He's like George of the Jungle, only without the female genital organs."

"Huh?"

Brian slapped his forehead, Lois groanecd, and Chris, Meg & Stewie paid no attention. The imaginary friends all exchanged confused looks.

"My god, he is the biggest idiot ever! This is a man who is so stupid it's no wonder he lost that 'Yo mama' fight!"

_(Cue Cutaway)_

_We cutaway to Peter Griffin in a boxing ring with Sanjaya, and the two of them are about to duke it out, in a classic 'Yo Mama' fight. The crowd was going nuts as Peter was about to gibve Sanjaya a run for his money._

_"Your mama's so stupid she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept!" The crowd filed with gasps and 'oohs' and 'ahhs' of amazement. One point for Peter._

_"Yo, your mama's so dumb she stole free bread!" Sanjaya barked, getting some uproars from the audience._

_"Your mama's so fat that Renee Williams took one look at her and said 'Damn!'" Peter sparked._

_"Your mama's so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes!"_

_"Your mama's so greasy that...that....peanut butter looks at you and puts a gun to its head." Peter had officially run out of steam, and for that crack, received nothing but a boo from an audience member and a feeling of shame in the air._

_Sanjaya broke the silence. "Your mama's so stupid she took a spoon to the Superbowl." He got the crowd uproaring again, but for him instead of Peter. Peter smirked angrily and then hung his head down and left._

_(End Cutaway)_

"You know, this house is so big and colorful. Why is it so big again? You guys running a cult or something?"

"No, Mr Griffin." Mr. Herriman said as he hoped into the scene. Well, he is a rabbit, after all. "You see, Foster's is run mainly to ensure the safety and well-being of imaginary friends after their creators get tired of them or are forced to get rid of them."

"So you mean in this town people just create imaginary friends like..." He snapped his fingers. "That?"

"Yes."

"Of course, dad. It's very easy if you have a good imagination." Meg said, reflecting on a past experience. "Remember my first imaginary friend? Back when I was 5?"

"Oh yeah, I rememebr that. It turned out to be a bird/airplane/tree/Jordin Sparks thing, right?"

"Yeah. That's why we had it dropped out of a plane onto an island." Lois added.

"Yeah. In fact..." Meg turned around and got a closer look at Coco. "It looked something like this imaginary friend right he-" And then it clicked in. The truth had revealed itself to everyone. Meg Griffin was Coco's creator. Bloo, Wilt, Eduardo, Mr. Herriman, and Frankie's jaw dropped to the ground.

"Wow. This is amazing." Frankie exclaimed happily.

"Yes, we've been trying to find Miss Coco's creator for 13 years. This is spectacular!"

"No it's not! Meg sucks!" Peter yelled out. "She's got practically no friends, she hasn't had any friends the past 10 months, and the only guy she had a serious relationship with died in Iraq. If that's not sad, then please...please, play me '300' because I will cry at that. And not just through my eyes, through my penis too. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go exploring." And with that, Peter turned around and took his leave to get lost somewhere else in the house, leaving everyone else in the room, speechless, until Mr. Herriman and Stewie broke the silence.

"Who wants a half n' half?"

"I'll throw my hat into that ring."

**End of Chapter 1!**

**Next Time: Peter wanders in the pre-school section of the house. Plus, Chris and Bloo instantly bond.**

**Expected Update: July 8th.**


	2. Frankie Gets Served

**Family Guy's Extra Special Road Trip (Season 1)**

**Episode 5: Imagination Constipation**

**Chapter 2: Frankie Gets Served**

**Disclaimer: _Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends _and_ Family Guy _do not belong to me. They belong to _Craig McCracken _and _Seth MacFarlane_ respectively.**

**TV-PG-DL (Rated T on the site)**

* * *

"Dialogue"

_'Thoughts', __Long-distance conversations (such as on the phone), song lyrics, or cutaways/flashbacks_

**_"Voice-overs, either from a flashback in present time, or from present time during a Flashback."_**

* * *

Peter had left the pack to go wander around the house somewhere. He really didn't have any idea where he was going, but all he knew was that he wanted to get away from the family and just have some 'Peter Time'.

So he spent the next hour wandering in between floors, trying to find an interesting room. He did make a few stops in the Game Room, the Kitchen, the Bathroom, and the Laundry Room, but he did not find anything fun to do in any of those rooms, which was kind of strange, when you thought about it. I mean, this is Peter Griffin. He craves fun. Why do you think he has tormented people in four towns already? Anyway,

Peter was now on the 10th floor of the house, and he came across another room which read 'Nursery'. He had absolutely no idea what the hell a Nursery was, so it's obvious right now someone's gonna get AIDS.

"Well, this looks fascinating. I mean, sure, I have no idea what a Nursery is, but it should be more fun than that time I accidentally locked myself in that jail cell."

_(Cue Cutaway)_

_We cutaway to Peter Griffin who is sitting in a dark, cold, empty jail cell. He'd leave on his own, but the door is locked and he accidentally got the key stick up in his anus._

_"Is anybody out there? Hello?" He called out to the empty police station. "I'm locked in this jail cell. I'd leave but the key's wedged in my ass. Somebody!? Hello!? You could be gay as hell, I don't care! Just somebody! Anybody! I'm a Celebrity, Get me Out of Here!"_

_(End Cutaway)_

Peter quietly opened the door and found himself staring at 12 tiny imaginary friends who appeared no older than 2. There was an open book on the floor, which meant that it was probably story time. But where was their baby-sitter?

"Hey, aren't you kids supposed to have a baby-sitter?"

"Fwankie never showed up." One of the pre-schoolers said in a normal pre-school voice.

"Who? Oh you mean that redhead with the tomboyish green sweat shirt & purple skirt? Oh I just met her down a few floors. She's such a bitch."

"She can be kind of mean sometimes. But we all love her."

"So...uh, what's the problem?"

"Frankie was supposed to come and read us a story."

"A story, huh?" Peter walked into the room and picked up the book. It was 'Rumpelstiltskin'. "What the hell is this? Rumpelstiltskin? Is that based on Donald Trump? Cause that sounds about right." He looked down and saw all 12 pre-schoolers staring at him with thier big eyes. "What?"

"Could you read us the story? Pwease? Pwetty pwease?"

Pretty soon all of them were whining and begging for Peter to stay, and it only took a few tries from them all to convince him to stay. "Alright, alright, jeez, quit the begging. But I ain't reading this bullsh#t story. No, in fact, I've got an even better one. This is the story of a boy who goes from ordinary to extrodinary with extrodinary powers as he attempts to save his school from the perils of evil."

"You mean a cheap movie parody?"

"Exactly."

**A/n: OK, here's the deal. Peter is about to tell the story of Harry Potter and the Sorceror's Stone, which was what I was going to do with "Oh no! Not Another Freakin' Movie Parody! Please note that I am not going to continue that story. I have a very unique way of writing stories, and if I have a good idea, I write it down. But if I get started on it, and then get another idea, I usually forget about the first idea! Oh just use your imagination! Who do I look like, Amy Grant?**

And so, Peter began to tell the pre-schoolers the story of Harry Potter, the boy who became a wizard when his parents were killed by an evil wizard. So, basically, he was ripping off the entire first book of the Harry Potter series.

Fortunately for him though, none of the preschoolers knew what Harry Potter was, so to them, it was just another amazing story. Wow, I can't believe I was actually that stupid when I was younger!

"That was gweat!" One of the imaginary friends peeped.

"Yeah, you're the best baby-sitter we've ever had!"

"Why thank you, children! That means so much to me...especially considering the last baby-sitting job I had didn't turn out so well.

_(Cue Cutaway)_

_We cutaway to a trailer park, where the Cumming family lives. It is the dead of night, and Ron Cummings is just coming in from the night shift at his job. He comes in to see his daughter, Haleigh Cummings, missing, and Peter not even caring._

_"What do you mean my daughter 'Just disappered'!?" He scolded Peter._

_"I was asleep in my bed, and when I woke up to go get a beer, your daughter wasn't in her bed. I originally suspected that she was in the bathroom, and because of that, I didn't think there was any cause for concern."_

_"You bastard! Because of you, my daughter's missing and I have no idea where the hell she is!"_

_"Whoa, language, please?"_

_"Shut up, already! You lost my daugther! You are not allowed to speak!"_

_"Jeez, I never knew you Jewish guys were so corny." That was the last straw, and Ron dove in and started pouncing on Peter's face, that is, until Peter took out a pistol and started banging it across Ron's face._

_(End Cutaway)_

"But why are you kids stuck in here? Why aren't you playing out there with the other imaginary friends."

"Fwankie says we're not old enough to leave the room by ourselves. She says we'll hurt oweselves."

"She sounds like a dick to me. You know, you kids shouldn't be locked in here all day and all night. You guys should have the freedom to do whatever you want."

"But Fwankie says..."

"Forget what she says. She doesn't know how to have fun. But me...me, Peter Griffin, now I'm a guy who knows how to live. I was on 'I Survived a Japanese Game Show'."

_(Cue Cutaway)_

_We cutaway to Peter Griffin walking onto the set of 'Majide' a famous Japanese Game show, commonly known in America as 'I Survived a Japanese Game Show'. He takes one good look at the set, and then takes out some gasoline and starts dumping it onto the floor. Then he takes out a match, lights it up, and then drops it into the gas._

_(End Cutaway)_

"Uh...uh, bad example."

* * *

Meanwhile, downstairs, the tour of Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends had just concluded, and Lois, Chris, and Meg were truly entertained. Stewie and Brian, however, were not impressed.

"And that, my dear friends, is Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends for you. Now I hope you've enjoyed our tour of this facility."

"Oh we sure have." Lois replied. "It's such a great place. You know, it's caring, kind--"

"I think it's gay." Stewie said so nobody but Brian could hear him.

"I know, right? Everybody knows that imaginary friends are just excuses for children to show what they're really feeling without their idiot parents catching on."

"Everyone's parents are idiots, Brian. It's a cruel fact of life. That's why 83% of all teenagers either kill the mother or father and then go on to marry a hooker."

"And how did you arrive at that?"

"I made it up."

"oh."

Bloo was over by the front door, trying to set up a bucket full of water on top of the door, waiting to dump it all over someone. Chris seemed intrigued by this.

"What are you doing, dude?"

"Mac's gonna be here any minute, and he's gonna be in for a big splash. When he opens this door, I'm gonna dump this bucket of water all over his head."

"Are you serious? You can't do that, dude!"

"You're just like Mr. Herriman, always busting my M-"

"Now if you want to see a real prank..." Chris reached into his pocket and pulled out some live slugs and snails, climbed up onto the ladder, and dropped them into the bucket. "Now that kid's gonna be both wet, messy, _and_ queer! Ahahaha!"

"Uh, that's 3 things."

"When we're through with him, he's gonna be more confused than my dad was when he worked with Quagmire to design 'Wipeout'.

"Oh really? That was your dad's design?"

"Yeah. But he and Quagmire are still very pissed about not getting any credit for it. So don't mention it to him."

"Got ya!"

Just as Bloo's creator, Mac, was coming up the driveway to the house, Peter was coming down the stairs with all 12 of the pre-school imaginary friends behind him. Mr. Herriman & Frankie were the first to react to this, and it was surprising that Frankie would react because she had actually forgotten that she was supposed to read them a story today.

"What is the meaning of this!?" Mr. Herriman sternly asked Peter.

"Yeah, those kids are not supposed to leave the pre-school room without an adult, which, most days, is me." Frankie dryly said, not really sounding like she cared that much.

"Um, I don't really think you should be critisizing _me_ right now about taking care of children, because as it turns out _you_ were supposed to read them a story but you never showed up."

"No I wasn't!" She snorted loudly. "Look, mister, I think I know how and when to do my job."

"No, Miss Francis, he is correct." Mr Herriman corrected, taking out a piece of paper which was apprently the day's schedule. "Today was their storytime day, Miss Francis, and you were supposed to report to the pre-school room 3 hours ago. I meant to give you a copy this morning, but it was last minute because the guy who was su

"Let me see that!" She grabbed the list out of Mr. Herriman's hands and studied it for a minute. "Well, ma-maybe you have the date wrong."

"No, I checked three times. Today is Saturday, June 27th." Lois informed them, which made Frankie shutter in her shoes.

"Ha! Not so high and mighty now, are you? 'Cause you probably need another shot of heroin now, huh, you freaky vag?"

"What?"

"What?"

"Well, that's OK. I can take them now." Frankie tried to take the children, seeing this as a chance to redeem herself, but Peter would have nothing of it.

"Oh that's alright. I don't mind. I've had past experiences taking care of children. Sure, it'll be no problem taking care of these children with whom _I have not_ had sexual relations with." He was hinting that he had already had sexual relations with at least one of those children. "Now it's my turn! I mean, I've already told their story of the day."

"You...you have?"

"Yeah." One fo the friends spoke up. "He told us a wonderful stowy about a wizard who goes on a quest to find the sorcewow's stone and stop evil."

"Wait a minute, you completely ripped off the first 'Harry Potter' book, didn't you?" Brian scolded.

"Who?" Peter asked.

"Oh for christ's sake!" Brian groaned and banged his head against his fist.

"Now if you'll excuse me..." He said as he and the friends walked towards the front door. "I have some kids to entertain."

"And where exactly are you going?"

"Oh I'm going to the hardware store to pick up some supplies. I am going to build my very own rollercoaster!"

"What!?"

"You can't be serious." Brian said plainly, kind of expecting he would do this but hoped that he wouldn't.

"Hey, the best kind of fun that a child can have is at an amusement park. And to my knowledge, there isn't one for miles. So I'll give them the next best thing. A rollercoaster. Now come on, kids." He opened the door and led the imaginary friends outside, but not before the bucket that Bloo had placed on top of the door fell and spilled water and slugs on his head. Everyone except Mr. Herriman and Frankie began to laugh. When Peter turned around and faced them, he too started laughing with them. "That's a good one, guy. So which one of you gave up their virginity for this?" Everyone stopped laughing and then exchanged confused looks at each other, as Peter and the friends took their leave. Brian cupped his forehead as Stewie continued laughing.

**End of Chapter 2!**

**A/N: I apologize if this chapter is shorter than normal. In actuality I reposted it because I received a private message from a fellow fan whose name shall remain anonymous that they believed it was 'too soon' for Michael Jackson jokes.**

**Next Time: Chris and Bloo begin pulling pranks on everyone in the house, while Peter begins construction of his new rollercoaster. You'll just have to read on to see what happens.**

**Expected Update: July 6th.**

**Michael Jackson  
R.I.P  
1958-2009.**


	3. We're Not Just Sure We're HIV Positive

**Family Guy's Extra Special Road Trip (Season 1)**

**Episode 5: Imagination Constipation**

**Chapter 3: We're Not Just Sure. We're HIV Positive.**

**A/N: There was a problem with my document server. Um...after I had written chapter 3 of this, I thought I had posted it onto my story. But apparently, I didn't, and I only realized it a couple of days ago. So...I'm going to just give you a basic recap of the previous chapter right now. I don't really feel like re-writting the chapter because I'm pissed off with my home life as it is, and...because I'm just too damn lazy! So to make up for it, this chapter is going to be nearly twice as long as a normal chapter....or at least just longer than a normal chapter.**

**Basically, Bloo and Chris join up and go on a pranking rampage on all of the friends at Fosters. After they make a couple of corny cutaways, they notice that Peter has almost finihsed building his ride, which combines features from the fastest rollercoasters int he world, and the 'Catapult', as seen on 'Wipeout'. After Peter demonstrates his ride to one friend, the others get an enjoyment out of, but it turns out that the Catapult part of the ride actually launches them into Rhode Island and makes them crash into Cleveland's house. (But it doesn't break, though) Mr. Herriman notices and demands that Peter shut down his ride immediately. When he refuses, Mr. Herriman gathers everyone in his office and tells them that they need to get him to shut down his ride before he harms any more friends. Mr. Herriman plans to contact authorities, while Chris and Bloo develope a seperate plan so they can garner attention to themselves.**

**So there you have it in a nutshell. Again, I apologize greatly for this, please forgive me. And seriously, you better forgive me, because I'm not fucking around! I got so upset about this I threw a goddamn temper tantrum about it! Seriously, though, I won't hold it against you guys as long as you don't say anything about it. Just enjoy this last chapter while I go clear my head! I seriously hate my computer right now!**

**Disclaimer: _Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends _and_ Family Guy _do not belong to me. They belong to _Craig McCracken _and _Seth MacFarlane_ respectively.**

**TV-PG-DL (Rated T on the site)**

* * *

"Dialogue"

_'Thoughts', __Long-distance conversations (such as on the phone), song lyrics, or cutaways/flashbacks_

**_"Voice-overs, either from a flashback in present time, or from present time during a Flashback."_**

* * *

Peter had begun construction on his ride after that, and it only took him a few minutes to do so in fact. It did not draw any attention to himself, but with each passing minute of his construction, the imaginary friends were growing more and more anxious to ride his ride. When he finally finished, it consisted of many twiss, turns, and even at the end, the 'Catapult', as seen on 'Wipeout'.

Peter showed one imaginary friend how his ride worked, and despite the fact that the friend was launched over 2,5000 feet across several states, right into a black man's house (Cleveland), the other 11 imaginary friends seemed too excited to resist, and began asking Peter frantically for a ride.

It wwas clear that his newest death trap had intrigued the 11 pre-schoolers despite the fact that the first one had probably already died from the impact. You could even say that it was a bigger riot on their part than that time Lois wanted to get Kevin Jonas's autograph.

_(Cue Cutaway)_

_We cutaway to Kevin Jonas and his longetime girlfriend, Danielle. Kevin is about to propose to his girlfriend, who doesn't see it coming._

_Kevin gets on one knee, opens up a ring box, and shows her a beautiful diamond ring. "Danielle, will you marry me?" He solemnly asks her, to her absolute delight. Just as she is about to answer, Lois, out of nowhere, pops in.;_

_"Yes, a thousand times yes! I will marry you, Kevin Jona--"_

_"SECURITY!" Kevin shouts as some security guards come out and start tazering and beating Lois into a coma. Danielle and Kevin just look on, and then eventually leave once they realize the bodyguards aren't planning on letting up._

_(End Cutaway)_

And so while Peter continued to show off his newest creation to the little imaginary friends, Bloo decided to take matters into his own hands. He figured that if he stopped Peter before Mr. Herriman could, then he'd be a hero to the friends and he'd finally be recognized for all of the good deeds he's done (in case you've never watched this show, that tally is currently at a big, fat goose-egg).

He enlisted the help of Chris for their ultimate prank yet. With this one, they set up 500 mini firecrackers the size of a bolt beneath the ground in which Peter stands on. They were all connected to each other with a very thin line, and the last line connected to the last firecracker was the longest as it had to be so they could light it up and start a chain reaction of small explosions.

"Why are we doing this again?" Chris asked Bloo as they began to set up their plan.

"Because you heard Mr. Herriman. If this guy doesn't stop he's gonna get all those pre-school friends killed! Besides, if I do this, I'm finally going to be recognized as the d-gooder I always was. Nobody ever sees the good things I do. After all, I was the one who convicted OJ Simpson of those murder charges."

"Um, he was acquitted of all those charges, dude."

"He was? Then why is he in prison?"

"Armed robbery."

"Oh."

It wasn't easy to set up the 500 firecrackers beneath Peter. In fact, in order to do so, Bloo actually had to distract Peter with one of his idiotic and possibly retarded dances so Chris could lay them down. After he was finished, Bloo concluded his dance with a raspberry to Peter, and then took off with Chris. Peter was completely clueless to it all, but simply continued with his ride.

Meanwhile, inside, Mr. Herriman was making a phone call to the local police station. "Yes, police. Yes, I'd like to make a complaint. Huh? Well there is an extremely large 44-year old man building some sort of rollercoaster/launcher ride outside of my facility. Hmm? N-No I do not believe he has building permits or experience. Yes, he's giving rides to little imaginary friends under the age of 3. What? Oh yes, this call's from Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends. Uh huh...yes, OK. Thank you. Thank you. Buh-bye." He hung up his phone, and groaned. He stepped outside where everyone else was waiting. "The police will be arriving very shortly."

"That's great." Frankie said. "So what do we do about the other friends while we wait?"

"Well it seems that his contraptions takes quite a few minutes to fully complete, so it seems that may buy us some time. But I'm not banking on it. I suggest in the meantime, we try to reason with Master Peter ourselves and hopefully we can convince him to stop before reinforcements arrive. That hooligan is going to regret ever coming here..."

"And speaking of hooligans...where's Bloo?" Frankie pointed out Bloo's absence. So they took a peek out the door and saw Bloo and Chris were hiding in a bush watching as their plan went into action. Chris took out a match and lit up the first fire cracker and watched as the detonation grew nearer.

The group, having no idea what they were doing, decided to investigate. They had no problem getting past Peter.

"What are you guys doing?" Frankie immediately asked in a sort-of obnoxious tone. Chris frantically tried to get her to shut up.

"Shh! Shush! What are you, stupid!? We're trying to prank this guy!" Chris whispered.

"Why?"

"Because if we get that fat dude to stop what he's doing, then I'm finally going to be recognized by you people as the hero I always said I was!" Bloo replied with a narcasistic attitude.

"My dad's so easy to prank 364 days of the year." Chris told them.

"What's the other day?"

"You're kidding, right?"

Meanwhile, by the ride, Peter had actually noticed on the ground the first firecracker that was going to be lit. So he picked it up...and ate it, because he had mistaken it for a piece of candy. (Similar to another moron we know...)

Chris and Bloo both saw this and slapped their foreheads.

"Ooh, a piece of candy!" They heard Peter shout for no reason, as he ate the firecracker, and the thin string he mistook for "licorise with cancer".

"Oh god, we are screwed." Bloo uttered.

"Wait for it..."

"Well, it serves you right, Master Blooregard. You should never try to use brute force to rid yourself of a nuisence." Mr. Herriman nagged, to the chargin of Chris.

"Wait for it...."

"I just don't understand why you guys would even go this far. I mean, everytime Bloo gets involved with something, it ends in disaster. Why don't you just let the professional handle this for once?" Frankie barged in, pushing Chris over the edge.

"I said wait for it, you fat bitch!!"

And so they waited...until finally, Peter was in searing pain. But if wasn't from a heart attack or a stroke or cancer or Hepetitis or any of that...it was from the firecracker that he had just eaten. It had exploded in his mouth with meant the entire inside of his mouth was then lit on fire. In pain and hot as hell, Peter suddenly started screaming and running around like an idiot, and then in moments, his entire body was lit on fire. Now scared he started running like crazy and screamed even louder than before.

In fact, after his whole body was lit on fire, he actually started making the remaining 499 firecrackers on the ground explode one at a time. After he realized this he stopped running and tried his best to avoid the tiny explosions.

Chris, Bloo, and even everyone else couldn't help but laugh. "See, I told you to wait!" Chris yelled in both enjoyment and resentment towards the others. "Now _this_ is how you prank my dad. This is even funnier than that time he mistook George Lopez for Johnny Depp."

_(Cue Cutaway)_

_We cutaway to a celebrity convention where Peter is about to get George Lopez's autograph._

_"SO...uh, hey, I loved your worked in 'The Chocolate Factory'." Peter told George Lopez as he handed him his picture. Once again, he was mistaking him for someone else; this time for Johnny Depp._

_"I'm sorry?"_

_"You made a great Willy Wonka."_

_"Uh, dude, that wasn't me."_

_"It's j--wait, what?"_

_"Yeah, that wasn't me in Charlie in the Chcolate Factory."_

_"It wasn't?"_

_"NO, that was Johnny Depp."_

_"Oh. Really? 'Cause-Cause I thought, you know, because of your skin disease..."_

_"I don't have a skin disease."_

_"Oh...well in that case," Peter took back his picture before George could finish signing it. "Go f#ck yourself."_

_(End Cutaway)_

Everyone watched as Peter continued running like a maniac both because he was on fire and because he was trying to avoid the exploding firecrackers. It was truly a fun sight to see...that is...until they all saw police cars coming and heard their sirens.

"Oh crap, the police!" Bloo shouted.

"We've got to put out that flame before they see it!" Chris added as everyone went to grab the big hose that was behind the house and turned it on to frantically hose off Peter and put his flame out. "Come on, damn you! Work!" He started yelling when the nozzle became jammed. He quickly fixed the nozzle and it began squirting out water fiercely, drowning out the flame at a break-neck pace, and just in time before the police arrived.

Said officers quickly exited their car and made their way to the scene, which calmed down quickly enough so the officers wouldn't have any immediate suspision.

"What's the problem here, folks?" He quickly asked them.

"Ah, officers, nice of you to come." Mr. Herriman approached the officers.

"Are you the one who called us?"

"Yes."

"So what's the problem?"

"Well, see, this man," Mr. Herriman pointed to Peter. "Built _this_ ride and has been putting these little imaginary friends on them and launching them to who knows where."

"Yeah!" Peter idiotically called out, no idea that Mr. Herriman was trying to get him into trouble.

"Really? Well, sir, do you have any building permits with you?"

"What now?"

"Nevermind. Sir, is this ride safe for the young ones?"

"Of course it is! I mean, you'd be an asshole to not think that a ride that goes up to 400 mph and goes through dozens of loop-de-loops and twists and upside-down parts and then eventually launches you off a catapult out of the city is unsafe. Look...look, I'll even demonstrate for you." Peter took the empty seat in the ride, and fascined himself in it, to everyone's concern. They all believed he was about to die, though nobody but Stewie could be more glad.

"Oh boy, if there's one thing I love watching...it's Peter getting hurt. I look forward to this more than I do watching the news."

_(Cue Cutaway)_

_We cutaway to Stewie sitting on the couch in the family living room, ready to watch the news, anxious to find out how many people have died today._

_"Tonight on the news, an 8-foot long Pthon strangles the life out of an infant,"_

_"Oh, that's nice. I like pythons."_

_"A deadly plane crash kills over 200 passengers on board,"_

_"Oh yeah, that's what I'm talking about!"_

_"And a young boy helps captures a FBI top ten most wanted murderer."_

_"Oh come on! Haven't I suffered enough?"_

_(End Cutaway)_

Peter was geared up for his ride, and after a couple of minutes of waiting, the ride finally took off, and the 15 minutes of pain began. Peter went through so many loop-de-loops, twisters, turns, uprides, downrides, and upside-down rides at one point that it would make a normal person throw up. But, like we said, Peter is no ordinary person. So he enjoys the ride with what little dignity he has remaining, all the way up to the Catapult part of the ride. As it slowly takes him back and loads him into the catapult, he starts giggling like some f#cking idiot.

The catapult launched Peter in the skies and took him all thewway out of the state and into Rhode Island (again). This time, he was launched so far he had actually crashed into Cleveland's house, and it was so fragile from all of the other hites (see above for details), it actually collapsed.

The entire front of Cleveland's house was destroyed, and when it was, the debree from his house fell. He was in the bathtub when this happened, and as Peter fell to the ground like the other imaginary friends, so did the debree that was holding up the floorboard.

The floorboard slowly started tipping downward and the bathtub started sliding off. "No, no, no, NO, NO, **NO**!" Cleveland yelled as his bathtub slid right off and fell to the ground, breaking on impact. Cleveland looked around to see what had happened, and had noticed all of the imaginary friends along with Peter on the ground. "What the f#ck is going on around here!?" He called out as Peter stood up.

"Um...I think _I _did this." Peter replied calmly, though finally realizing what he had done.

Menwhile, back at Foster's... "Um, where did he go?" One of the police officers asked Lois.

"I don't know, but he's probably realized by now that what he was doing was putting those friends in danger." Lois plainly replied back.

"I hope he's OK." Frankie expressed concern.

"He's not hurt. He does this stuff all the time." Lois again replied with a plain & dry tone, sounding like she didn't exactly care.

"Jeez, and your son thought _I_ was a bitch." Frankie took note to this and took the opportunity to strike at her.

"Well, it's obvious what needs to happen." The other officer interveined. "Since this man did not have any building permits at all...and these structures are highly dangerous and unsafe to riders of all ages...this ride needs to be taken down."

"Thank you!" Mr. Herriman let out a sigh of relief.

"OK, let's get going."

"I say we have at least 6 hours before Peter gets back from whereever he was launched so we need to work fast."

"OK...let's do this..."

* * *

**_We're sorry. Due to contractual agreements, we cannot show you the part of the episode where they tear down Peter's ride, for it has been deemed too graphical by the producers...which is kind of strange because of producer is gay. Luckily, we do have a clip to show you to pass the time._**

**_So while they get started on tearing down Peter's ride, please enjoy this clip of Quagmire wigging out when he realizes Bernie Madoff stole all of his money (AKA a clip I meant to use for my other chapter but accidentally deleted)_**

_(Cue Cutaway)_

_We cutaway to Glenn Quagmire in his airport office with two of his bosses. They are negotiating Quagmire's raise.,_

_"Look, you two cannot sit there and tell me that there's not enough money in the budget for a raise when I clearly saw you guys writing out a check for your mother." Quagmire argued._

_"Well you don't know how much it was for."_

_"Dude, I have been eating carrots for over 50 years! (**Referencing to the episode "FOX-y Lady" where Quagmire reveals that he is actually 61.) **I saw you write out a $30,000 check! What do you take me for, some kind of idiot!?" Quagmire's cell phone began ringing, and he saw it was his brother-in-law, Blaine, calling. "Oh I'm sorry, fellas. I have to take this." He answered his phone. "Blaine, baby. How's my favorite marathon runner? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, just slow down." Quagmire's brother-in-law on the other line was becoming frantic. "Huh? What do you mean all my money is gone?" Quagmire could not believe what he was hearing. "F#CK! Oh f#ck! F#ck! F#CK!"_

_It was a shock fo Quagmire that all of his assets were gone. "Who's they!? What the hell does 'Madoff's Made Off With Your Booty' mean anyway?" Quagmire groaned and cupped his eyebrows. "OK. OK, so-so what's left?" Blaine on the other line was telling Quagmire that had had only $78 left in his bank account. "Are you sh#tting me? How is it possible to go from $360,000 to $78 in less than a day? Where were you!? Wait a sec, you've been out of town for 2 weeks and you only realized today that your phone was dead? Ugh, you must be dumber than Lou Ferrigno."_

_The argument between Quagmire and his brother-in-loaw was heating up quickly. "Oh, oh, I'ms-I'm sorry. I thought my own brother-in-law could protect my own assests, the money I need for my car! That thing wasn't even fully paid off yet! Do you-Do you have **any** idea what that's going to do to my credit!?" Quagmire's cell phone beeped again, indicating another call. "Oh, I'm sorry." He put the first call on hold and answered the second call. "What!? I'm very busy right now!!" This time it was Cleveland on the line, asking Quagmire what he wanted for lunch, as he always brough Quagmire lunch. "Oh. Well whe--well where are they going? Oh. Alright. Uh, just get me a turkey club. Uh...cold slaw, I guess. I'm not even going to eat it. Well-Well-Wh-What are you getting? No, see, I-I always order the wrong thing. No, no, no, I'll just stick with that. OK, bye -- Wait, wh-what? Oh, uh, Cherry Coke. Thanks." He hung up his second call and returned to his first one._

_"Sorry about that." He groaned. "Oh, oh, oh 'Just take another shift'? Oh oh real f#cking original! I've got a payment on my car due tomorrow, and who's gonna loan me the money, jackhole!? You!? You got an ATM in that fancy mansion of yours!?" He was getting angry now, even shaking his cell phone around in the air. "Now get your 6 foot 8 marathon runner's ass back here or I'm gonna tell all of your friends what a whiny bitch you were about Patricia or Penelope or whatever the hell her name is!"_

_Quagmire stopped when he realized his brother-in-law on the other line was crying. "Oh jeez. He's crying." He whispered to his bosses, who were starting to play along. "He-Hey, hey, hey, hey, come on, now. Don't do that. Just -- look, I'm just dealing with a lot of crap, right now. You know, all of my assests stolen by a f#cking Mormon. I didn't mean to snap. Ok-OK, just get back here. OK. OK, bye. OK, I-I-I love you too." With that, he finally hung up the phone and returned to the meeting he was having with his bosses._

_(End Cutaway)_

**_We now return you to your original broadcast._**

* * *

It took over 6 hours for the ride to be torn down, and that's with everyone pitching in. Luckily, though, that's also how long it took for Peter to make his way back to Foster's from Rhode Island. He ended up taking abus, a plane, and a camel from Rhode Island back to Foster's, and he got back just in time to see the last of his ride go.

"And that should do it." The officer said as they got rid of the last of the ride. A bus pulled up in front of the home, and Peter stepped off of it and saw what was going on.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, what the hell's going on here!?" He asked.

"Sir, we had to tear down your ride." The officer replied. "It was putting everyone in danger. If you had put anyone else on that ride, you probably would've killed them."

"Yeah, I could tell. I got flung right into Cleveland's house. I saw those other imaginary friends and they were in pretty bad shape." Peter was finally beginning to see that he was doing more harm than good with his ride. "But I still think you guys are overreacting."

"Peter, you launched yourself into who knows where and it took you 6 hours just to get back here.' Lois pointed out.

"Oh yeah. Look, I'm sorry about all of this. All I was trying to do was show these friends a good time, and I thought I knew exactly how to do that!"

"Well, Peter, you might be good with kids, but you're not good at taking care of them."

"What do you mean, Lois?"

"You don't need fancy rides or fancy stuff to make friendes with children. All you need to do is show them compassion and understanding. You just need to treat them like they're your own and love them. And you don't need a fancy ride to do that."

"Says the woman who left me at the mall while she went out with my dad."C hris uttered, remembering said time.

"Oh, _one_ time, Chris! One time!" Chris and Lois started getting into an argument and no one could understand why. well, actually, Frankie, Mr. Herriman and the others didn't want to understand, so they just left the scene while the cops arrested Peter and took him downtown. Stewie was in delight and Brian couldn't care less.

**The End**

**A/N: Sorry if the ending was rushed. I apologize for the inconvinience, but I hope you enjoyed it!**

**Next Time: The gang head over to San Fransisco where they meet the Tanner family, and a war breaks out between the Griffins and the Tanners.**

**Expected Update: July 18th.**


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